i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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