I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
