hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
