he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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