Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
