Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
