I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
