they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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