hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
