Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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