Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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