I'm really into asian looking animals
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
