how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize