So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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