just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
