At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
