if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
