I bet he comes in French.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
