so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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