If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Someone signed my nipple.
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