Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
