i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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