So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
