do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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