I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
