honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
