yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
