Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
