I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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