i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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