I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
