In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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