walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
