Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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