my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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