And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
