I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Panties = found
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
