i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
