I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
