Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
