Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
