wrigley field is MILF paradise
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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