I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
