i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
