you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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