If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
