I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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