now i know why i became what i already was.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
