I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
