one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We need to get me chipped asap
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize