We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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