Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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