the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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