Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
