it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
