I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh god it's open bar.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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