I feel great
I just peed on a car
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
