im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
