Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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