in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
