i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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