I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
