Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
