I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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