youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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