Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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