Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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