Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
