win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
